No. Yes? That's what I mean, my whole life is a way of dealing with them by using escape mechanisms. HN is one of them. Lesser one.

Yep. I can't be totally sure the extent to which I've unpacked my issues versus improved my ability to mask them. I'm positive I do both, but a great deal of good fortune means that I'll have to wait for the inevitable dark times to find out.

Very true. In fact, I doubt few people would be content being alone with themselves and their thoughts and nothing to distract them.

I reread Burroughs when I get like that. From Wild Boys, in the chapter "Dead Child":

I held out my hands no more power left in them head against a tree it was cold on my eyes moon that night solid I could touch almost couldn't get the leg was broken and teeth tore past the bones at me begging for help pictures all cut up knife had fallen I lay there my pieces moved and shifted against a tree I spit up from my stomach green when day came and mist steamed up to the top of the high tree just under the leaves at the top and looking down I could see my body lying there the leg all twisted and the face caved in lips drawn back showing teeth I could see and hear but I couldn't talk without a throat without a tongue sun moon and stars on the face down there worms in the leg weeds growing through the bones.